I'm very lucky I haven't been shot in the last twenty years

Today we look at a story from STLtoday about a bicyclist shot while escaping a robber. It's a quick story, and the comments section has concerned citizens worried about the wounded man, discussion on how to combat crime in the area and what we, as a city, can do to keep these things from happening again.

Fortunately for us, they mostly sound like troglodytes gargling rocks. Stupid rocks that are covered in racism.

Let's go from the top down, shall we?

Allen Bovey reminds of about the hoodie stereotype which has been floating around for years. People who wear hoodies, especially with the hood raised up over their heads, are nothing but ne're-do-wells and scalawags of the highest caliber.

Allen goes on to say that he is surprised the KKK and white preachers haven't come out in protest against these terrible crimes because the KKK is someone you want on your side when it comes to racial relations. Perhaps he believes the Saint Louis chapter of the KKK find themselves above such a trivial crime, or maybe the Grand Dragon is reading through Saint Louis news articles looking for that one racial time bomb which will wrench them from obscurity and cast them in a positive light again.

Pictured: People not wearing hoodies

Of course, if you read the story again, the race of the victim is not mentioned at all. Apparently Allen is a person who believes an underlying race war is happening in my beloved city, and the hoodie is the common uniform all the criminals in the City.

Of course, he immediatly recants his stupidity because, well, it just wasn't racist enough...

You know what, he's right. You may think his first comment said there was a hoodie stereotype because, well, those were the words he used, but you'd be wrong. He never said the hoodie, alone and without any other factors, makes you a criminal. It has to come with other descriptors. I bet he means descriptors like "too tall." Though I'm sure he really means "Not White Enough."

By the way, if you are wondering how you've been seen as a dirty, freedom hating criminal with that twenty dollar hoodie you bought from Target for so long without knowing, it may be because there is no such thing as a hoodie stereotype. At least, not until Gerardo Rivera opened his mouth.

Here is a link to the comments Gerardo allowed to slip from brain to mouth. You would think with a mustache like that some of the stupidity would get tangled up and not be released, but his words have been professionals at finding their way past his soup strainer for years. I'm sure that in his mind, it makes sense. Black and latino people shouldn't wear hoodies because people might shoot them, obviously. It's a damned PSA for christssake! He just wants to make sure you minorities are safe and dress appropriatly.

Example of a fine, upstanding minority

Here is a short list of websites that sell gang related items:

Think Geek
Target
Urban Outfitters
Hot Topic
Ralph Lauren

In fact, a google search for hoodie under google shopping gives us all kinds terrible companies making gang and criminal paraphernalia.

Bill Henske points out to us that most people don't wear hoodies, nor do they know people who do. As someone who does wear hoodies on a daily basis between October to mid-March, I am appalled all of my friends didn't tell me just how criminal was being. Perhaps they were too scared to say anything on the chance I may suddenly stab them and take all their money.

Oh wait, they all wear hoodies as well! How many people have we all robbed without my knowledge, and why haven't we been robbing people with more money? I could use it.

Finally, Bill lets us know that some hoodies are designed to be zipped up over the face and are specifically designed to intimidate.

The B-boy stance of your average criminal

In England. In 2007. That dude looks like a bumblebee wearing a gas mask. I'd be more worried about that guy stealing my flowers. Especially since that hoodie has stolen his dignity.

Look, a hoodie can be used to conceal your identity. So can a baseball cap pulled low, a ski mask or panty hoes over the face. Until I see Geraldo with his muppet looking face get on national TV and talk about how nylon stockings are bad for blacks and latinos, I will be forced to continue thinking of him as a moron.

FYI, stay away. It was chilly today and I am sporting my gray hoodie. As soon as I put it on, I noticed a small pistol in my pocket. I didn't put it there, it just propagates itself after every wash.