Ikea Roundup

Big news for our big little city: We're getting an Ikea! All the Swedish meatballs and bjornlokas you can handle will be here. Best part? They chose a location in the city. And by best part I mean OMG TEH URBANZ WILL GET ME!

If you've never experienced Ikea before, it's everything you wish you would have decorated your college dorm with. Bright, primary colors and enough designs to give you decision, but not so many that things will clash because you have no idea how to shop for furniture. And they gave it a nice location near SLU and WASH U which means I won't go to Target the weekend before school starts and be trampled by doting parents and eye-rolling freshmen looking for particle board bookshelves.

There is a Target in the city with underground parking and they seem to do pretty well. I don't even understand why he would think underground parking, with minimal exits and ability to mount cameras lower, would be a prime target.

Also, I like the idea that there is some underground STL crime syndicate dedicated to juicy areas to break into cars. "Ohh, let's go to Ikea! We can hit a few cars, stay dry and pick up that darling hrvatska we've been needing!"

They won't. The police are busing in criminals just to break into cars and steal your recently purchased picture frames. Lord knows lots of people swelling into an area to spend money won't help the area at all!

Crime will come and go in the area as it does everywhere throughout the history of one guy whacking another guy with a rock because he wanted to steal whatever the caveman version of an iPhone is. Probably a shinier rock.

Fucking true American right here.

Oh yeah, dipshit. Sven down in traffic studies was off that day. How ever will we suffer this unfortunate turn of events?

If you put an Ikea somewhere, people will come. It will get crowded no matter what. It's a fact of life when many people want to buy things from a store. Also, maybe they will do something crazy like change the intersection to deal with a higher volume of people coming in to a retail area.

We can always count on Carol Size here to loudly proclaim something unnecessarily political. She's like a mole that digs all around your yard and occasionally pops up to kick you in the balls with her foot of stupidity.

Stay on target, Carol. We have circlejerk threads for that in the forums. This is the place where we talk about how Ikea is terrible and black people are ruining everything.

Thomas True has obviously never been to an Ikea. That place is a magical wonderland of shopping. Who would want things on display in a well lit area in a store which will bring people from miles around to pour tax money into the city? Communists and homosexuals, that's who!

I've never seen more people bitch and moan about turning an allen wrench in my life. These are the same people who would scream to stop being so lazy and get a better job while the economy has shit itself.

Ikea is an inexpensive choice right between Walmart and Rothman. Yes, it comes flat packed and needs some assembly, but that's what keeps the price down. 

Maybe I'm just weird, but I like assembling furniture. Get a six pack, a screw driver, a mission statement and a hat full of good intentions and I'm going to have the time of my life.

I bet there's a reason for that. Probably because you aren't a city planner, civil engineer or know what the fuck you are talking about. Of course, that didn't stop you from slapping your stupid opinions out there anyway.

I mean, I usually don't know what I'm talking about either, but at least my smug ignorance is relegated to a blog with a fan base.

So that's Ikea for you. I've been to a couple in my day. They are pretty great and have a lot of selection if you need something tasteful without spending an arm and a leg.

Just make sure you don't get shotstabbed on your way there!