Stupid draws back his bow.

Sure it's a week late, but as I explained to my wife, Valentine's day might be one day but stupid is year round.

And now that it's over, we can take a look back to some grade-A butthurt fostered by the STLToday Mommy blog written by Aisha Sultan. 

I'm not one to get too upset with click baiting nonsense (Because it's exactly what this blog is) but there is some fantastic spear rattling from the comments section about some schools replacing "Valentine's day" with "Friendship day." Nothing else changes except the name. Valentine's day can be confusing for children. Probably because commercials cram romantic love down our throats from January 15th to February 14th.

My own personal experiences were being annoyed by Valentine's day because I didn't know if I was supposed to get things for the guy friends. I didn't want Billy to "be mine" nor did I think he was "hot stuff" so the entire day was spent trying to pick which Ninja Turtles cards would be the least weird to give to a dude friend.

Of course, the answer was none, but at least we all were in the same boat and just ate the terrible candy hearts. Point is, Valentine's day can send weird mixed messages, and telling a ten year old to get over themselves means you don't remember what it was like to be a kid and worried about how you appeared to others.

Or was it just me? Anyway...

According to Wikipedia (The only amount of historical research I'm willing to do for these people) Valentine's Day was first mentioned by Geoffrey Chaucer in 1382 and continued as a European celebration. If you think back to fifth grade social studies, you'll remember that 1382 was well before things like "America."

But lets make the "American tradition" argument. The tradition of "Go spend shitloads of money because if not you don't love your lady" Maybe it should be destroyed. Maybe buy your wife some flowers just because you love her. Do you only expect steak and blowjobs on March 14th? Of course not, that would be terrible. Steaks, flowers and all kinds of sexual congress should be given all year!

I'm all for children learning lessons of exclusion during Hallmark holidays created to buttfuck the economy awake during the winter months.

Kids aren't stupid, but they are volatile. When I was a kid doing the valentines day thing, there were kids who only got pity cards after all the other cards had been handed out. The kids not getting them were usually class bullies. They were bullies because they were living in poverty and had low self esteem. 

Guess how Valentine's day made them feel.

I'm not arguing if the school's decisions are right or wrong. Eventually the rule at my school became you had to get everyone a card to prevent these problems in the future, but isn't that the same as giving consolation prizes? Didn't those ruin my childhood as well? Shouldn't all these kids be bootstrapping their way to the top of the V-Day card heap because that's how you and Jesus did it?

First they take Valentine's day and now the kids can't read, write or...create codes? Perhaps John Cheatham should figure out what's important before just shitting all over the keyboard like this. That, or he knows a descendant of one of the Navajo code talkers who isn't living up to their grandfather's mettle. 

I'd argue that kids need to spend less time on stupid holidays that don't teach anything. Maybe instead of wasting your time with Valentine's Day, they can instead learn something more about George Washington Carver beyond "The peanut dude."

Ahh, the Christian Soldiers are here to yell all about how it's unfair all the Jews and African kids get to have their culture talked about, but no one can mention OUR LORD AND SAVIOR JESUS HERBERT CHRIST!

Grade school is well in my past, so I'm not sure what's being taught to the children these days. However, I'm fairly sure they aren't talking about the religious aspects of Kwanzaa and Hanukkah, just differences in how other people celebrate the holidays in America.

But this just goes to show how little people like Dana Gibson and Kristin Jay actually know about Hanukkah (Jewish faith, uses Torah which covers the first five books of the Bible) and Kwanzaa (Not actually a religious holiday.)

Cameron Hartman should get a gold medal for the mental hurdles he just jumped over. I'm not sure how teaching children how their junk works suddenly means everyone is fucking without loving (which isn't exactly a new concept.)

And are teachers supposed to teach three different kinds of love? Is that the point of public schools these days? To teach abstract emotion and philosophy to seven-year-olds so we can feel better about spending three bucks on John Cena valentines day cards?

Stolen with no remorse from http://alimusprime.deviantart.com/

Yep, that's how it's going to go. Changing a name for grade school kids means holidays are out the window. I suppose this is why I've seen so few advertisements for Valentine's day this year. Nope, no Proflowers commercials all over my podcasts, no commercials telling me I should get my wife jewelry, no car commercials suggesting she would love a new Mazda.

Also, Michael Wilding, I know you're making a Nazi reference by using the word "Verboten." Everyone knows you're making a Nazi reference. You aren't clever and if you think this has anything to do with the systematic extermination of over 18 million people, you can jam those candy hearts up your candy ass.

Gary Sluhan has it right. The 50's through the 70's were so much better because people didn't concern themselves with silly shit like "Friendship day" Nope, everything was wonderful and carefree. 

A list of people who had buckets of fun in a tropical area in the 60's and 70's

A young African American plays with the Good Humor man's dogs

Yep, too bad we can't go back to those wonderful days.

I have a feeling Al had this speech saved up and finally just decided to unleash it upon the local regional news fan page. Unfortunately it was used on a story about Valentine's day in grade school. I understand you're up there in years Al, but you could have saved this a little longer. Maybe for a story about Slay being literally the devil. E Pluribis whatever.

I hope you didn't think you were getting out of this without an Obama reference. Republicans would have a much better case if they didn't start saying stupid shit about things they don't properly understand. Take a hint from the left some time. Smoke a joint and relax a bit. Then read the Wikipedia entry about Socialism, realize we aren't in any way socialist, and then watch some Breaking Bad.

Man, I miss Breaking Bad...

I don't know if things today are better or worse, but I haven't celebrated a Valentine's Day in this manner since grade school, so I have no idea what the norm is anymore. What I do know is the world is filled with many things that require your actual concern and care. There are plenty of problems in our public school systems in which the community at large could take on and possibly influence for the better. 

But no, let's worry about Valentine's day. Because actually caring is hard and being internet angry is easy.