Saint Louis advocates for an end to horse slavery

Here's one I've been sitting on since Christmas.

Often times I speak on this blog as though I am an expert in the subject matter I am lampooning. While often times I'm just an opinionated prick with ten bucks a year to spend on a personal web address, I do often put in a little time to research a topic to make sure I'm falling on the side of "right-ish"

In a story from the local Fox affiliate, a Clydesdale which was used to pull carriages around Tilles Park died suddenly over the Christmas holidays while working. It's tragic, but things like this happen. Animals have heart attacks or strokes or whatever just like people. The writer of the article talked to quite a few experts who say the same.

We start with a heartfelt post from someone who claims to have been on the carriage at the time of the death. While I believe about seventeen percent of what people say on the internet, I can't imagine anyone going out of their way to shill for the horse drawn carriages at Tilles Park

Paul is having none of it. Battering his way into the conversation like a half drunk Clydesdale and shitting directly on the sentiments Josh put out there.

It's kind of beautiful, actually. It's a post which sums up everything this site was created for: A person we can't verify telling a story about something that doesn't matter, only to be shut down with blithe ignorance with nothing to back it up. Just "Shut up, stupid-head"

I wish I could give Paul an award.

Be prepared for a lot of internet horse whisperers in this post. Marty has apparently been diagnosing the horses with the scientific method of "driving by them on the way to work." I can't claim to be an expert, but I'm fairly sure that's not how equine veterinarian services work.

And Doris is going to boycott a park. I don't know what exactly that's supposed to do for anyone since it's a St. Louis County operated park. I suppose you could take yourself into the city and enjoy one of the many fine parks we have to offer. 

But I suppose if staying at home instead of walking around the park is going to ease your guilt about the horses, go for it. Also, if you have any guilt about horses you should probably be seeing a professional.

I don't know where people come up with these age measurements or why they think they should apply to humans. I found a website which will do convenient age conversions, and according to them, a 22 year old horse is the same as a 62 year old human. But according to them, 62 is the average human lifespan, so maybe that horse should have been set to Carousel when the jewel in their hoof turned red.

As for horse retirement, people have a bad way of turning animals us with people feelings and emotions. Some animals like to have something to do. Just because you can't wait to get old and lazy doesn't mean the rest of us are in the same shitty boat. I hope I can die doing something I want to do, even if it is pulling people around the park while I poop in a bag. 

Maybe the Budweiser horses want to kick back with beers and cigars. Maybe the get all whiney when someone asks them to do something. Or maybe you're just projecting.

I remember seeing a horse so noble that it waited until it turned the corner before it shit all over a parade route. Though I'm sure that had more to do with the horse not deciding it needed to poop until that moment.

I don't know what hard work is for a horse, but seeing as how draft horses were once used to haul artillery pieces during times of war, I imagine they can pull your ass around a park at a slow pace while you look at some lights.

Or you people could get out and walk.

Hey, I won "Find the stupid PETA sympathizer." Of course this is like slavery. Every animal that works is essentially a slave. Bomb sniffing dogs? Slaves. Pack animals? Might as well be singing the blues. Service animals for the disabled? Put on that white robe and get to cross burning.

CARRIAGE DRIVER FIGHT!!!!

Don't you hate it when someone agrees with your side and then keeps talking? I mean, I'm all about having the horses work, but did we have to bring welfare mares into this? Tony G. is our man looking out for the owners of these lazy, welfare taking, government benefiting HOODRATS!

Horses. I meant horses. And pull up your pants.

Yeah, we're falling as a country because dipshits are arguing on the internet about a horse. What this is actually telling us is there are too many people in St. Louis who are either slacking off at work or not working. Even during the holidays.