Get out and vote, you dingus!

August 5th is an election day in the wonderful world of Missouri, and not a single politician can get a word in edgewise while the state yells at one another about constitutional amendments.

No matter what side of the issues you fall on, we can all sit around and appreciate some of the wonderful things our fellow Missourians have to say.

I had no idea it was so serious! I wonder if the St. Louis city charter has something about inalienable rights to guns.

Tonight I'll be drafting my household constitution and forming a military. Marcellus will be secretary of state. I already suspect corruption.

He's easily bought off with cat nip and toy fish

As a pro second amendment person, I feel people who want to be armed everywhere they go are batshit insane and probably masturbate to the thought of shooting an urban hoodrat and saving racial purity once again.

I don't know why there is a sudden uptick in people who want to run around at Chipoltle with guns, especially since violent crime has been on the downslope for decades. Though I will say, most of the people who I know that own guns don't feel a need to tote them to every movie theater and Applebees. 

They also don't spend a lot of time watching American news channels, so their exposure to media bias and fear baiting is pretty low.

I think the biggest fear I have about the media is that people think any news conglomerate is on their side. They want your eyes for their advertisers. So do what I do: only watch the news with your anti-lizard people foil hat. It's the only way to keep Alex Jones out. 

You want the same level of small arms the military has? Wikipedia defines "Small Arms" as up to a light machine gun, which is a pretty ambiguious distinction, but what isn't when it comes to people who cry about the second amendment while RANDOMLY capitalizing WORDS? 

I don't care about your argument. If you want a machine gun, then I assume you shouldn't have one. 

Of course I say that and watch me get trampled by a heard of a hundred deer or something. If that happens, you're welcome to use my death as an argument to open carry an M249

The consequences, however, are on you

Well the Jews shouldn't have let Obama take their guns!

In all seriousness, don't compare any constitutional amendment in Missouri with Nazi Germany unless we are specifically voting to change the name of the state to Nazi Germany. In which case, vote the Libertarian party. 

OH WE GOT FUCKIN JOKE AND JOKES AND JOKES!

The Post Dispatch editorial gave compelling reasons to vote no on all the constitutional amendments. No matter where you fall on the issues, of course these people are straight up idiots. 

What's even worse is they hate this publication, but can't stop coming to the website and commenting. It's almost as if they just won't be happy until they're angry at nothing.

But that would be crazy, right?

Protip, if you use a political ideology as an insult, you've lost the argument. Calling someone a LIBURAL or KKKONSERVATIVE has lost all bite over the years outside of The Blaze or MSNBC.

Also, you're fighting on the internet about politics. I think most political discussions are pointless, but on the internet you're just wasting your time. No one has ever changed anyone else's mind about politics on an internet forum. 

If all else fails and you find yourself about to post, just pick your nose for a bit. There's probably something more interesting in there than whatever you have to say.

Yeah, that's how the government works. Broader sweeping legislation on how many breeding animals you're allowed to have so they can do a no knock raid on your farm up in Chillicothe and take all your cows. And guns. And militarized cow machine guns.

Or maybe it's a brand new way to open the puppy mills back up. Missouri doesn't exactly have a great reputation with shutting down our shady shit. We're also the last state to refuse to create a pill registry, making sure drug runners of Hillbilly Heroin in all eight of the states caressing us are still knee deep in Oxy to push on people.

Then again, our citizens also believe the USGS is going to steal our guns with their gun radar, so maybe everyone is just an idiot

The ultimate insult: SOCALIZZZMS! When all else fails, when the LIBURALZ are surrounding you with their Dawkins books, their higher taxes and reaching for your guns, you can always fall back to calling everyone a Soviet Socialist. 

I'm not sure anyone really knows what a socialist is, but I don't know what a douchecanoe is, and I use that word regularly. I suppose as long as it sounds absurd or scary, it's a good insult.

You damn Socialist douchecanoe!